Through Snape's Eyes
by thoughtsthatfester
Summary: Thirteen moments between Lily and James seen though Snape's Eyes. Written for Jily October.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

They stood closer than necessary, Snape thought as he sat in the prefects meeting. The Head Boy and Girl were standing so close that their arms were practically pressed together. What could have possibly happened over the summer? Sure, they'd gotten friendly over the last year, but something was different. It was more than the acceptance of having the same friend group he's seen last year. Something had changed.

When she spoke, his eyes were fixed on her. And he would finish her sentences. And then she would look at him, look approvingly at him while he addressed the group. The Head Boy and Girl had somehow gotten on the same page. He remembered a time when the two of them couldn't speak without fighting. He remembers when Lily would complain about him and his friends, but mostly him. There were only a few things he was sure of in life. One was that his father was a worthless muggle, the second that, with a few exceptions, Slytherns and Gryffindors would never get along, and third that Lily Evans hated James Potter. Well, he used to be sure about the last one.

Now, he didn't know what was happening. It was more than a cordial working relationship. They were _friends._ He couldn't believe it, but somehow it was happening.


	2. Chapter 2

He hadn't been purposely staring at her. He really hadn't. He just happened to catch a glimpse of red hair from across the Great Hall. His eyes were always drawn to red hair, always hoping to catch a glimpse of her, her red hair standing out against her milky skin. He was only planning on looking at her for a moment, he swears.

That's when he noticed the mop of black hair beside the red. He was talking to her quite animatedly and she was laughing. He saw her touch his arm, Potter's arm. It was nothing extraordinary, it just seemed a little too intimate to him. He's just never, in all their years of friendship, had Lily so casually reach out and touch his arm during a conversation. He wanted to look away, but he couldn't.

He spends the rest of dinner trying to pretend he isn't staring at them. He participates in conversation only when directly addressed. He watches Lily and Potter giggle, and chat, and make casual physical contact with each other. He finds the whole thing very unsettling. But, nothing unsettles him more then the two of them leaving dinner early, with Potter's hand on the small of her back guiding her out of the Great Hall.

Suddenly, he has no appetite for dessert.


	3. Chapter 3

In his three years as a prefect he's never seen a Head Boy and Girl take every single patrol together, except for now of course. He tells himself that they're just friends. They are in the same house after all; it's perfectly normal. What isn't normal is that despite being Head Girl and in charge of managing the prefects, he hasn't spoken to Lily once all year.

It's Potter who gives out the Slytherin patrol assignments, it's Potter who speaks to him when a Gryffindor first year complains about him being too harsh in his punishment of her. It's Potter who seems to appear, with an answer, whenever he set off to find Lily to ask her.

It's Potter who seems to spend every possible moment with Lily Evans. Somehow, Snape finds it harder and harder to convince himself that Evans and Potter are just friends.


	4. Chapter 4

He thinks it's getting a bit ridiculous when he catches them wandering the halls after curfew when they're not on patrol. It's not the first time it's happened. They always seem to be sneaking off together, leaving dinner early, leaving class together, and walking through the corridors together, too engrossed in each other to notice anyone else. It's okay, he tells himself, and it's perfectly normal for friends to go on midnight trips to the kitchen and moonlit strolls around the grounds.

She's wearing one of his jumpers. She has to be. Where else would she get a washed out, stretched out, too big Puddlemore United jumper? Friends may go on walks together, but it's certainly not normal for her to be wearing his jumpers, but he pretends he doesn't see. It's easier that way.


	5. Chapter 5

He can't deny that they're more than friends when he sees her on his lap, wrapped in his arms near the black lake on a crisp fall day. It's been going around the school for days, but he's denied it until now. He wanted proof before he believed it. It's not as though he didn't suspect something, because he did, it's just that he wanted to see it with his own eyes. It's not as though Hogwarts gossip is always accurate; there's no way Sirius gets with as many girls as the rumors would suggest. He's learned not to listen to rumors.

But this, this he cannot deny. It's unmistakable. Lily Evans is sitting on James Potter's lap where anyone could see them. He doesn't look away as she kisses Potter. It'll be over soon, he tells himself, they're doomed to fail. They won't last the school year.


	6. Chapter 6

They're in Defense Against the Dark Arts when it happens. He'd been trying to ignore them. The sight of them wasn't exactly helping him conjure a happy memory.

Potter was the first one to conjure a full patronus. Professor Darcy stops the class so they can all marvel as the genius of Potter, congratulate him on being _bloody fantastic. _His stag strutted around the room. Typical.

Then a doe joins the stag. He knows the source of the patronus, but he doesn't want to look.

Professor Darcy stops the class, makes them all put down their wands. You're witnessing a rare phenomena, he tells them. They may never see something like this again in their lifetimes.

They're all witnessing the patronuses of people who are _literally soulmates. _His heart feels like it's breaking in two. And he feels bile rise in the back of his throat.


	7. Chapter 7

The weather reflected the tone of the match. It was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. The teams were barely visible through the heavy rain, sleet and hail. The wind was whipping and everyone just wanted the match to end. Especially him.

He's never been a huge quidditch fan, but he came out to support his house and his friends. The weather hadn't stopped him, and just about the entire school from attending.

From across the stands he could see Lily, clad in one of Potter's old quidditch jumpers. Her hypocrisy astounded him. She'd always mocked his obsession with quidditch and now she was just as into it as he was.

She watched the match carefully, her eyes darting around the sky following James. There were strands of hair stuck to her neck. He was so distracted by the red on her porcelain skin that he missed it. He missed James Potter getting hit with a bludger and knocked off his broom. When he saw Lily's face turn from concentration to sheer panic, he looked at the pitch. James was lying on the ground, his prized broom broken beside him.

When he looked back up, Lily and Potter's friends were gone, running down onto the pitch. Lily kneeled beside Potter on the pitch. He couldn't see through the rain, but apparently she never let go of his hand. He's broken his back badly and had to be transported into the hospital wing to preform the complex healing spells.

It's all anyone talked about for the next three days. How cute they were. How brave he was. It made him sick.


	8. Chapter 8

They didn't know they were being watched. It was late and no one was in the corridor, well no one but him. Lily'd been called into Dumbledore's office at the end of classes that afternoon, followed by James during dinner. No one had seen either of them since. That's why he decided to wait outside Dumbledore's office, hidden of course, to find out what was going on.

That's when he heard her crying, something he'd only heard a few times in years of friendship. She darted down the stairs with James on her heels.

"Lily," Potter called after her,"Lily Stop!" he yelled. Snape hadn't heard him raise her voice to her ever, well not since they stopped being enemies, "Lily," he caught up to her, "please just stop. Let me in."

"James, I'm sorry, I told you I can't". His heart leaped. He was witnessing the end, something he'd been be waiting for months.

"Lily, you need to stop right now. I know you're upset but you aren't thinking clearly."

"J-James, I'm thinking properly. You're the one who isn't. This reinforces everything we've been discussing."

"You don't mean it. You're upset about your parents, and I get it. It's completely understandable. You should be upset. I'd be concerned if you weren't. And you have every right to cry but do not push me away."

"James. I can't. I can't see you get killed."

"I won't through."

Snape froze. He got a clear picture of exactly what had happened. They'd been the latest targets. He'd heard whispers of attacks on the parents of mudblood students. He knew they were being planned. He just never thought the Evans' would be the first victims.

"You don't know that!" Lily shrieked, "I thought my parents were safe but Voldemort got to them. He'll get to you too."

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

"But it's not a risk that I'm willing to. You're too important to me. I can't let something happen to you, not if I can prevent it."

"I'm joined the Order of the Phoenix whether you like it or not. I'd be joining regardless of who I was dating. You know where I stand."

"Stop being so thick. You're bloody infuriating. James you are a pureblood. This isn't your battle. Please, just for once, try not to be a hero. Just this once, please think about your own safety."

"You're the one being thick. If you think that I'm letting you join the Order without me, then you have another thing coming. We're in this together, or not at all."

"You're going to join no matter what I say, aren't you?"

"You know I am, but I won't join without you. We're in this together. Till death to us part."

"Don't talk like that, you know I don't like when you get so morbid."

"It's true though, we're in it together, until the end."

"Alright. Till death to us part. I can't live without you. I love you too much." She said, tears still streaming down her face.

"I love you too. Come on, let's go get some dinner. I'm absolutely starving." he grabbed her hand and they vanished around the corridor down to the kitchens.

He remained frozen in his hiding spot, unable to process what happened. Part of him ached for the Evans'; they'd always been so nice to him. But, they were muggles, muggles like his father. He had never hated Potter more than he did in this moment. Somehow, he'd manage to take them from the verge of breaking up, to practically taking marriage vows in the corridor outside Dumbledore's office. _Together or not at all. _It made him sick. He clenched his fists and dug his nails into his palms, trying to forget what he just saw.

He didn't know what the Order was, but he knew that come graduation they'd be on different sides. For a moment he allowed himself to fantasize about how it would feel to be the one to fire a killing curse at James. He would finally be the one to come out on top. After years of rivalry, he would finally be the winner.

Then he remembered her vows. _Together or not at all_. There'd be no way to get rid of Potter without getting rid of Lily. And he couldn't imagine a world without Lily Evans.

He sighed. It was impossible for him to win. At least for now.


	9. Chapter 9

He'd started working for the Dark Lord immediately after graduation. It'd been three months since they'd left school and three months since he'd seen Lily. He was picking up some ingredients for a potion in Diagon Alley when he saw a flash of red hair enter the apothecary.

"Evans", he said surprised to see her.

"Snape," she responded cooly as she crossed the store to grab some woom root. He needed worm root too, he suddenly remembered. As he followed her, that's when he saw it, glittering on her left hand. A giant engagement ring.

"Are you engaged?" he sputtered, staring at the rock.

"Yes, yes, I am," she responded.

"Oh let me see!" the woman at the counter exclaimed. Lily walked over to show her, "Oh! What a ring! You've landed yourself a good one, haven't you?'

"Only the best," she smiled warmly. He scoffed from across the room.

"And that ring, I've never seen anything like it. Where did he find it?"

"It was his grandmother's, she wanted him to have it."

"I'm sure grandma Black is turning over in her grave with a mudblood wearing her ring," Snape added.

"That is enough, _Severus_," she says as she pays for the ingredients and leaves.

He doesn't see her again for months. He hears that she married Potter in a small ceremony. He overhears a friend of hers from school talking about it at the Hog's Head one night. How romantic it was, how they still managed to have something so beautiful in the midst of a war.

He knows they'll never last. They'll be divorced in a few years. Their marriage will never survive this war.


	10. Chapter 10

The next time he sees her is during a battle. The Order was protecting a mudblood official who was powerful in the Ministry. He'd been put on the team set to attack. He wasn't expecting the team to consist of Potter, Evans, and some other Order members he knew vaguely from school. A mission this important would have surely consisted of older members.

They attacked after dinner, ambushed the place. Spells were shot back and forth, his focus was lost when he heard a familiar scream. He saw Lily writhing in pain on the floor, not doubt falling victim to the cruciatous curse. She was cradling her stomach and tears were steaming down her face, her cheeks the same color as her hair.

Across the room he saw another Order member he recognized from school, Longbottom maybe, fighting with Potter. He'd gotten a hold of the wizard who'd cursed Lily. He looked as if he were about to kill. He didn't entirely blame him. He thinks he should step in, help his fellow Death Eater, but he pretends not to see.

"James, It's okay. Please stop! I'm fine!", he hears Lily sob, trying to stop Potter.

He sees the familiar hardening of James' eyes, exactly how he remembers from his days at school, "I'm gonna kill 'em", he says eying up the masked man.

"James, Stop!" she yells again. The battle continues to unfold around them. "I'm fine," she shouts, blocking spells, "I'm alright. Everything's alright. Please just stop."

"But what if things aren't alright?" he asks still staring at the immobilized man.

"Then I'm not losing my husband to Azkaban, too. Please, James."

He's sees James step down and move over towards Lily. They remain together the rest of the duel, their hands occasionally brushing. He wonders how it's possible to show PDA during a _sodding battle_.

He and the Death Eaters are forced to retreat, beaten by a group of kids. He's less concerned with how the Dark Lord will punish them and more concerned with what was going on with Lily.


	11. Chapter 11

He got his answer about Lily a month or two later when the news of her pregnancy made it to the Death Eaters. _Another perfect bloodline ruined, _they all lamented. How unfortunate. That's what they talked about, ruined bloodlines.

He's happy when he's sent to retrieve some rare potion ingredients from Diagon Alley, happy to get away from the Potters. When he arrives in Diagon Alley, he'd wished he hadn't come. He sees from across the street.

She's visibly pregnant, he red hair pulled back in a ponytail. She looked older than twenty and very tired. She's holding her husband's hand. He looked tired, but not quite as old. Was he even twenty yet? He's not sure; he still looks like a teenager. He doesn't even know that he's following them until they're blocks down.

Potter gets his wife an ice cream then walks by Quality Quidditch without even glancing at the window. Odd. Lily never liked ice cream and Potter could never resist quidditch. He follows them until he sees them enter a children's clothing store.

He doesn't want to see them cooing over a Gryffindor onesie or a jumper with Potter's favorite quidditch team's logo. He doesn't think he could. He doesn't see them again.


	12. Chapter 12

Had he known the prophesy would turn out to be about her, he wouldn't have told Voldemort. He's never felt like more of a failure. Never. He couldn't save her, he thinks as he sees their bodies sprawled out on the floor, their infant son creaming in his crib.

He steps over Potter without second glance, heading straight for Lily. _Always for Lily_. He perfect crimson hair surrounds her like a halo. And all he wants to do is hold her in his arms. It's creepy, he thinks briefly, before he acts on the fantasy. It's all he ever wanted to do, but never got the chance.

As he sobs over her body, all he wishes is that she was still alive. Even if that meant with Potter. We wishes they got the life of happiness she deserved. Even if it's with her husband.

He wants to die.

He almost does.


	13. Chapter 13

Years later he sees a mop of black hair from across The Great Hall. He thinks he's the spitting image of his father, with the messy black hair, glasses, and scrawny frame. In a few years, the scrawny frame will be tall and muscular and he'll get even cockier. The physical resemblance is the first things people notice, it's what all the professors talk about at dinner.

He imagines how nice it'll be to get revenge. He's get to deal with Potter again, except this time he'll be the one with all the power. There will be no question of superiority. He'll finally get what he deserves.

Then he sees a flicker of emerald beneath the wire frames. And suddenly he doesn't see James. He can only see the little girl who didn't know she was a witch, the little girl who helped him laugh when all he wanted to do was cry, and the little girl who he fell in love with. He sees the little girl who broke his heart without trying. And suddenly all he worries about is how to keep the boy safe.

How to protect the last piece of the person he loved most.

Thank you everyone who read and reviewed this story.


End file.
